Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
