Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
