I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
