...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
