redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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