Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
