my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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