Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
