i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
