Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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