is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
