sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
