Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
