You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
