My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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