I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
