I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
