i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
