Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
