God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Someone signed my nipple.
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