You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
