Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
