Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize