gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
