In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
