You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
