If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The power of my boobs compel you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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