I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im part way to drunk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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