Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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