if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how can u be prego again
You smell like stripper and shame
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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