all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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