You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
