I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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