Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
