i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
