hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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