True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
