Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
