Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
