bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
