I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
