does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
