How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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