SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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