Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
