Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
