he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
