Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
