escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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