omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
