I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
