It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
