im about as happy as oj after his trial
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
