I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
