You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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