Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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