New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
