Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
