btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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