also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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