...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
