I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize