Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
