omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
