you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
