I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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