The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
