i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
