White coat. Heels.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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