I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
