: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
