Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize