just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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