What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
