thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
