Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
